


Yandere

by esimies



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, M/M, Multi, i'll add the rest of the characters as i add them, past bertolt/reiner
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-02-13 08:04:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2143317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esimies/pseuds/esimies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean and Armin get together, but Eren likes Armin, after he finds out about his relationship, he vows to do whatever it takes to get Armin for his own, no matter what it takes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. yours

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this is just the first chapter, better things are to come!

I wonder if he knew I liked him, I wonder if it was obvious. However, if he did know, he probably would never return the feelings. But that's what happens when you fall for your best friend. Especially when he's the most popular boy at school and I'm among the shyest. Not to mention, we're both guys, and I doubt he would swing that way. Well, not for me anyway.

 

As always, we walk home together. We always talk about these mundane things about school and some hot girl he saw or something. That’s when it clicked.  _ You are allowed to feel this way Jean, what are you waiting for, ask him, tell him how you feel.  _ And I know what I have to do now. I stop, grab his coat sleeve and get him to stop. He turns to me, furrowing his brows as he does.

 

“Jean?” he asks, the inquisition in his voice is obvious, so is the concern.  _ So, he's worrying about me huh? If only I could like you more than I already do.  _

 

“I-I-I-have something to tell you” I blurt out at once. I wonder if he knows what’s going to happen next, because I sure as hell don't. I don't even know what I'm doing right now. I avoid his gaze as I look for an escape for this situation. I can't find one.  _ So, it looks like I have to do this. God help me. _

 

“I don't know..I don't know how to put it” I stammer out, I genuinely am so completely nervous right now, I thought I was ready for this, and apparently I was not.

 

“Just tell me” he says, quiet enough to show consideration, but also in an angry enough tone to tell me he's getting impatient or something.  _ So, I have no choice.  _ I take a deep breath, and pray to god he doesn't hate me after this.

 

“I-I-I have a crush on y-y-you” I say, the nervousness in my voice incredibly obvious at this point, then I catch his gaze. And my anxiety goes through the roof. I turn to run, turn to get away from this situation. As I do so, he grabs my arm. My eyes really can't hold back any more, so I let out a massive sob, head falling low on my shoulders soon after.

 

“Jean” is all he says.

 

“I-I'm sorry Armin! I really am, you can hate me if you-” I get cut off by something soft pressing itself against my cheek. My eyes go wide as I realise what's actually going on.  _ Armin is kissing me? What? Is this a dream? _

 

“Armin?” I ask him as he pulls away from my face.

 

“You are literally the  _ worst  _ at picking up on hints Jean” he says, the mockery is evident, but it also has a very sincere ring to it. 

 

“What do you mean” I question him.

 

“I guess I like you too?” he replies almost instantly. I have never ever in my life heard anything that sounded so certain, so solid.

 

He's the next to speak up, with a question I thought I’d never hear him say, to me of all people.

 

“Jean, if its all right with you, I would like to be your boyfriend” he says. This sounds even more certain than the one before. I didn't even think that that was possible, but apparently it was.

 

“Definitely” I reply. “Just on one condition” I continue.

 

“Depends on what condition is” he replies, a slightly more cheery tone adorning his voice.

 

“Uh, well, um, would it be okay if we kept it a secret for a little while?” I ask. I mean, nobody knew that either one of us was attracted to guys, as far as I am aware, and I didn't know whether he was ready for people to know. And I really wasn’t. 

 

“Sure” he replies. I guess he isn't ready to or he just has a very good reason.

 

“But, do you mind if I tell my carer? I mean, he's gay and all so I've always gone to him with my problems, before you he was the only one who knows that I like guys” which was all true. After he took me in at the age of 14 after being kicked out of my home (for no apparent reason) he became my best friend, and the first and only positive male figure I have ever had. 

 

“Sure!” he states, he seems excited about something, I guess its just butterflies or something, because I'm totally feeling the same way right now.

 

We continue walking, this time however, something has changed, the person next to me is no longer just my best friend. He is my boyfriend, somehow. Something seems too good to be true.  _ Jean, do not fuck this up,  _ is all I can say to myself _. _

 

We leave each others company with a hug (which was probably too tight, but whatever, I'm allowed to do this stuff now, right?) and I head off to my apartment building. I arrive, and climb the 8 flights of stairs to my flat. I take a deep breath before entering.  _ I wonder if Reiner will be here? I wonder how Bertholt is? _

 

“I'm home!” I shout into the hallway. No Reply.  _ That's weird. Bertholt is always here when I get home from school. Where is he?  _ The only sound I hear is a faint sobbing sound from the direction of the living room. It takes me a few seconds for that to fully be understood in my mind. Sobbing? I decide almost instantly its time for me to actually see what’s going on, so I place my bag down on the floor and set off in the direction of the Living Room door.

 

When I get to the door of the living room I see it. Bertholt is there, hunched over, head in his hands, sobbing.  _ I wonder why. What has Reiner done now? _ I quietly make my way over to the settee, trying my hardest not to startle Bertholt. As big as he is, he sure is an easily scared type of person, he's just so shy its a miracle he can actually do that much. 

 

“Bertholt?” I say, taking a seat on the settee next to him. “What's wrong?” I question. I try not to force things on him, because that’s not a good thing. Never ever put any kind of pressure on him, because he just breaks down. And I've done that far to many time.

 

He sniffles, and then he says it. “Reiner, Reiner is” he pauses. “Gone” he says, and then starts crying again, probably harder than before, but I haven’t been here all day, so this could be absolutely nothing.

 

“What do you mean? Reiner's Gone?” I then say, just to clarify, because honestly, I don't know if I was hearing right.

 

“He left. This morning.” he clarifies.

 

“Why?” I ask.

“He-He-He found someone else. He wasn't faithful. He didn't want me any more” he replies, somehow breaking through his tears for long enough to get that out. But then he starts crying again. And then he moves his hand. Around his left eye, a massive bruise is fully on display. He takes a deep breath, and continues his little speech.

 

“This is what he left for me to remember him by” he stammers, pointing at the dark ring around his eye. 

 

“ _ He  _ did this to you?!” I half shout, half question. Bertholt was so sweet and so lovely and so caring I could hardly believe someone could do something like this to him. But I did know that Reiner had a tendency to become volatile and abusive when things didn't go his way, so really I should have been expecting this to happen. I look back at Bertholt, and he's crying again, but this time, he isn't alone. I then decide to become his carer, because honestly he needed it right now. This was going to be my thank you for helping me through the last 2 and a half years. I place a hand on his arm, and he looks at me.

 

“Its going to be okay Bertholt, it really is, maybe he didn't deserve you, because you definitely deserve more than him” I say, trying to sound as cheery as possible. And somehow, my words worked, he cracks a little smile and pulls me in for one of his “world famous” bear hugs.

 

“You really are something else, aren't you Jean” he says after he breaks the hug, and I can tell he's actually happy. “You're probably the best adopted Son the world could ask for”.  _ Oh, so he's gone into Dad mode now, not that I'm complaining. _

 

“But you're not my Dad!” I whine back. He knows I hate the word “Dad” because honestly, the “Dad” I had was the worst thing in the world, and also my biggest secret, stuff that only Bertholt knows. And probably Armin soon.

 

We continue our evening as usual. As always we both make our dinner, making jokes and laughing at stupid things we do all the way. And then it dawns on me, I still haven't told him about Armin. So I seize the opportunity during a lull in our conversation.

 

“Bertholt” I begin. “I may or may not have gotten a boyfriend today, and I promise you it isn't Reiner” I  _ really  _ shouldn't have used that last part, because when he looks my way, his face drops. But then it turns into a smile.

  
“A boyfriend, eh?” he says, smiling. “Who's the lucky guy?” he asks me.

 

“His names Armin” I retort, in a very happy tone, because honestly, I am very happy right now, the happiest I've been in a while. And I hope Armin is too.

 

“Ah, your best friend, the most popular guy at school” he says with a air of confusion. 

 

“Yes!” I reply, almost too excitedly.

 

“You really did get lucky, didn't you” he shoots back at me. “Also, don't worry about what you said earlier, about Reiner, he left me for a woman” he admits.

 

“Oh well” he mutters inwardly.

 

We eat our dinner in our usual fashion. With him asking me half a million questions about Armin and how we got together. Its my turn to do the dishes, so after we finish eating, I gather up the plates and cups and head back to the kitchen to do the washing up, which I do quite fast. Then, I join Bertholt back in the living room. He's sat in his usual chair, obviously in deep thought.

“Bertholt! Earth to Bertholt!” I say as I walk over to my chair. 

 

“Would you mind if I, er, sleep in your room tonight? On the pull out bed? I just really don't want to sleep in my room tonight? If thats okay with you”

 

“Bertholt, you're blabbering, but yes thats fine, I’ll go sort out the bed now, before I forget” Is my reply. It's true, when Bertholt is really nervous about something he blabbers like an idiot. I then turn to leave the room, when he speaks up again.

 

“I can do it if you want” he offers. I'm feeling lazy, so I let him, and so I flop on the sofa to watch TV, it is then when I pull my phone out. There's a text from Armin.

 

** From: Armin Arlert **

 

** Have you told your carer about me yet? **

 

I read the message, sigh, and type out my reply.

 

** To: Armin Arlert **

 

** Yes I have, See You Tomorrow :) **

 

Bertholt comes back into the room and we begin another one of our intensely long and in depth conversations, which in all honesty, is the best part about living with Bertholt.

 

When the clock strikes 10, I decide its time to head to bed, so I go back into my room, and change into my Pyjamas and get into bed. I lie there for at least and hour, not being able to believe the days events, I do not know how this could be possible.  _ Me, Jean Kirschtein,  _ dating the most popular boy at school, the boy who has the girls all over him, is somehow mine, the shy kid's.

 

At about midnight, Bertholt comes in, and thinking I’m already asleep, lets himself sob for a while longer. I decide its best just to leave him to it. And I fall asleep soon after that. 

 

 

 


	2. confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean tells his friends about Armin and introduces Armin to Bertholt.
> 
> Jean also finds out someone else has a massive crush on Armin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so bad I'm so sorry

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock. 6:30am sharp. I rolled over in my bed and only then did I remember Bertholt slept in my room last night. Or I would of questioned why the pull out bed was up. I checked my phone, a regular habit, even though I usually didn't have any messages, this time however, there was a text from Armin.

 

**From: Armin Arlert**

 

**What time are you leaving for school? I want to walk with you today :)**

 

Reading the message, smiling, because _fuck_ that was a sweet thing to wake up to. I typed out a quick reply before hitting send.

 

**To: Armin Arlert**

 

**At about 7:30? Meet you at the corner I guess?**

 

No more than 30 seconds after setting down my phone, it vibrated again.  _God Damn can that child text fast._

 

**From: Armin Arlert**

 

**Sure thing! See you then :)**

 

I didn't need to reply to that, so I set my phone back on the night stand. I get out of bed, throw on some clothes, my usual, Jeans, Hoodie and a pair of plain converses, and headed out of my room to get some breakfast. Reaching the door of the kitchen, I immediately noticed Bertholt, hunched over a bowl of cereal. He was obviously still sad about yesterday's events with Reiner, but I wouldn't dare, I didn't like seeing people cry, especially Bertholt.

  
“Morning” I chimed out into the room, obviously surprising Bertholt. Poor guy was 24 years old and couldn't handle me saying good morning without a warning, yet alone any kind of social situation without panicking somehow.

 

“Morning” he stuttered back at me. I genuinely feel sorry for him.

 

“How are you today? Sleep okay?” I asked, completely and utterly concerned about his well being because I rarely _ever_ see Bertholt sad, and when I did I never wanted to remember it.

 

“Slept okay. How about you? Any nightmares to report? I don't think you had one last night” he said, now being the one to be concerned about me.

 

“Yeah, no nightmares last night, thank god” I said, completely glad I didn't have one of those, seeing as they are always terrifying to me, no matter how many times I'd had them since moving in here.

 

I made myself toast for breakfast, as always, making small talk with Bertholt as I did so.

 

And then he popped a question.

 

“So Jean, when can I meet this Armin guy, eh?” he asks me teasingly.

 

“Whenever. He could probably come round tonight for a bit” I reply.

 

“Okay then, if he can, I will be delighted to meet him” he says in his “fatherly tone”, as he calls it.

 

“Okay!” I call back. I leave the warm company of the kitchen and head for the bathroom to brush my teeth and have a quick shave before I decide I'm ready to go. I check the time. 7:24. _Crap, I'm probably going to be late._

 

“Bertholt, I'm off to school, I’ll be back usual time, maybe with Armin! Have a nice day!” I call back into the apartment.

 

“Thats fine! See you later!” he calls back, but I'm out the door before he says the last bit.

 

I quickly descend the stairs of our apartment complex, trying to cover up my panting as I reached the bottom. There, I see Armin, waiting at the corner, probably getting a little impatient by now. I offer him a wave and he sees, waving back at me, with a happy smile spread across his face. I decide not to run, because god I am so unfit, and I meet him at the corner. I give him a hug, which is returned as soon as it happens. He then proceeds to grab my hand and begin to drag me down the road, insisting we're going to be late.

 

“Hey, do you wanna come over later?” I ask him, breaking our other conversation off.

 

“Go for it! Is your carer going to be there?” he asks excitedly. Its almost like he knows that Bertholt wants to meet him or something.

 

“Yeah, he kinda wants to meet you anyway” I reply, daring to not mention the break up or any event that happened yesterday for that matter.

 

“He sounds cool, whats his name? What's he like?” he asks, full of curiosity. Classic Armin.

 

“His names Bertholt. He's shy, very shy, but he's very nice to be around, he gives amazing hugs, and is probably about an entire foot taller than you” is my reply. Honestly, I like talking about Bertholt, he's such a nice person and I'm so glad he took me in.

 

“Why don't you live with your parents?” he asks.

 

My blood ran cold with that, I didn't want to explain. I didn't want to explain what my life was like before I met Bertholt, and he offered me a place to stay, a safe, secure place to live.

 

“Can we save that for another day?” I respond, nervously, I don't want to tell him that much yet, seeing as how it can make me feel.

 

“Yeah” is the reply I get.

 

As we get within sight of the school, we let go of each others hands. I wonder when we will be able to hold hands around school,  _if_ we ever get that far. I really hope we do.

 

He suddenly pipes up. “Can I sit with you at lunch today” he asks, a childish excitement fueling his voice. I happily accept, asking him if its okay if we tell the rest of my close circle of friends, Marco, Krista and Ymir. He says yes, and I feel like things are finally falling into place, after only just one day.

 

“What do you have first period?” I ask him as we near the school gates, just one lesson with him today would be enough.

 

“Bio with Hanji! How about you?” I knew how passionate Armin, the little dork, was about Biology, and I knew how he full well hoped to be a bit like Hanji in the future, but hopefully a little less crazy.

 

“Ah, I have AP Lit with Levi” I say, mocking a groan at the end. I loved literature but I really hated Levi's teaching, he was just too short tempered, and me being my shy self, never got in trouble, but it always made me jump when he would reprimand another student. The man was no taller than Armin was, but boy he could shout if he wanted to.

 

As we reached the gate, we parted our separate ways to go to our morning classes. He joined his massive group of friends and I made my way over to my group of 4. Marco, Ymir and Krista.

 

As always, Krista greets me first. “Hey Jean!” she chimes with her overly delicate voice and a friendly hug. Next is her girlfriend, Ymir. “Hey Horseface!” she jokes in her regular voice, more masculine than Krista's but still definitely female. Her and Krista were an unlikely couple but somehow, it worked, and they definitely were not ashamed of showing affection in public. But that’s probably only because Ymir could probably kill someone if she wanted to. Especially if it was about anything to do with Krista. Finally, I'm greeted by Marco. 

 

“Hi Jean” he mumbles. 

 

“Hey Freckles!” I say back at him, playfully bumping against his shoulder in an attempt to cheer him up, because it was obvious that something was bothering him.

 

“Shall we go in? I have AP Lit with Levi today and I really do not want to be late” I say, because when you're late to Levi's lessons, it kind of sets the tone for the rest of the lesson, and that is not a good thing.

 

“Sure! I have that lesson too” Krista has to half shout to be heard over the rest of the stream of students chatting as they make their way inside. So the four of us set off for the warmth of the inside, out of the cold autumn air.

 

We say goodbye to Marco and Ymir at the door and Krista and I have to half run down the corridor to get to our class before the bell. We take our seats in Levi's room about 20 seconds before the bell rings.  _ Nice Save. _

We spend most of our class talking, mainly about the work but we also dip into our personal lives, I mentioning Bertholt's break up from the day before, but not the fact that Armin and I are now officially a couple. Krista tells me how her and Ymir went on a date the other night and got catcalled at and how Ymir almost beat a guy up. I really liked talking with Krista, she was a literal goddess and knew how to listen and help you with problems, and I was so glad that she was one of my closest friends. 

 

We finished our work for the lesson and turned our work in for Levi to mark. I checked the time. 9:00am, time for Physics class. My least favourite class of the day. The only good thing was that I got to sit with Marco and as always, piss around for roughly 70% of the lesson. At least we got the work done, I guess. But my mind was already on lunch.

 

The rest of my morning lessons go slowly, mainly because I can't stop thinking about seeing Armin at lunch, and telling my friends that we were actually a couple. I mean, they all knew I was gay and none of them were actually straight themselves, Krista and Ymir being lesbians, and Marco being asexual, so I guess no dramas would occur.

 

As lunch came around, I realised how hungry I was. I also realised how much I wanted to see Armin again. 

 

Finally, the bell rang for lunch and I quickly made my way into the Cafeteria to find that Krista and Ymir had already snagged a table for us to sit at. I move over to them and as we see Marco entering the room, we wave him over.

 

“Hey, by the way, Armin is coming over to sit with us today” I announce, much to the shock of Marco and Ymir. Krista, being the Goddess that she is, just kept smiling, as ever. 

 

I see Armin entering the Cafeteria and I wave him down and he comes to join us. I greet the him with a smile and he takes the seat to my left, Marco occupying the seat to my right and Ymir and Krista directly opposite. 

 

“U-um,” I start to speak, but my voice is steady, and this is probably enough of a cue for Armin to take over.

 

“I h-have something to tell you guys” he starts. And then, after a few short and tense moments, he says it. 

 

“Jean is my boyfriend” he kinda blurts out the last part before wrapping an arm around me for support. The other three looked shocked, but before long, Ymir had something to say.

 

“Awwwwww, thats so cute!” she says, actually sounding genuine in what she says, which is weird, since she is almost always sarcastic.

 

“Is that okay with everyone? Any objections?” Armin says worriedly, making it sound like he was expecting them to have a problem with it.

 

“Nope? I'm mostly happy for Jean over here” Krista remarked, before reaching over and ruffling the top of my hair. Which undoubtedly made me turn bright red. Then, Armin squeezed my arm and that made me turn even redder. _Damn you cute boyfriend, damn you._

 

“I didn't expect that” Marco mutters inwardly, which earns him a glare from Krista. “But I am very happy for you Jean” he says, much like Ymir, actually sounding genuine in what he says. He pushes my shoulder, much the same as I did this morning. And with that, we settled down to eat our lunch. We ate in silence, as always, the only sounds were the other students gossiping whilst eating.

 

“I need to go to the toilet, I'll be right back!” Armin says, before giving my hand a squeeze and getting up from the table before hurriedly making his way towards the exit. As we finished eating, I was bombarded with half a million questions about Armin and our relationship, mainly coming from Ymir, _nosy bitch_. 

 

I saw Armin re-entering the room before someone else approaches him, and this makes my brain go into an anxious frenzy.  _ Who is that? Is Armin flirting with them? Are they flirting with Armin?  _ And before I know it, a very worried Marco is punching my arm, breaking me out of my frenzied thoughts.

 

“Dude, you okay? You totally spaced out for a second” Marco asks, but as I open my mouth to speak, a very stressed out Armin seats himself next to me.

 

“Armin? Are you okay? You look a bit stressed”

  
“Yeah, I’m fine, its just Eren, he's being creepy again” he says.

 

_ Eren Jeager _ , I think to myself, not only my ex, but the person I hated the most in the entire world.

 

“He has such an obvious crush on me, ugh its so annoying” he complains. So it was obvious that my anxious frenzy was for nothing. _Jean you dumb piece of shit._

 

“Jean looked so nervous when he saw you talking to him” Krista declared. 

 

“Did he?” Armin responds.

 

Before Krista could answer, the end of lunch bell rang. I got up and said goodbye to my friends and Armin before I headed to my last class of the day. But I ended up spending ¾ of the time thinking about Armin.  _ God I am a sappy dork of a boyfriend.  _

 

The end of day bell rang and I was completely relieved. I got to go home with Armin and he could meet my very supportive Carer and friend. 

 

I met Armin at the gate as we always did. 

 

“Ready to go?” I ask. “Remember, you're coming to my house tonight, right?” I remind him.

 

“Yeah! Don't worry, I knew.” he did have an amazing memory coming to think of it.

 

With that we set off, chatting about our day like always, laughing, joking, like old times. But this time was different, he was no longer just my friend, he was my boyfriend, and if I fuck this up, I may never actually talk to him again, there was no going back from here.

 

Finally, after what seems like an eternity of walking, we arrive at the bottom of the steps of my apartment complex. 

 

“I have to warn you again, Bertholt is very shy, so don't be surprised if he gets anxious whilst talking to you. Be patient with him and you'll be just fine.” I warned him because I knew that things like this really did scare Bertholt quite a lot, and I don't like seeing him scared.

 

We walk up the stairs to the flat door. Armin complaining periodically along the way, when we reach the door, I get my key out and unlock the door.

 

“I'm home! And I have someone with me!” I call into the empty hallway.

 

“Is it Armin!?” is the response I get.

 

“Yes Bertholt, it is” I call back.

 

“Bring him in here!” he hollered back.

 

“Okay!” 

 

I show Armin through to the living room and Bertholt is sat there expectantly, almost like he could be my actual father, even though he is only about 8 years my senior.

  
“Bertholt, this is Armin” I announced into the room. 

 

“H-Hey” he stammers back, he is so obviously nervous and anxious about the whole situation. “I'm Bertholt. Jeans carer. But you can call me Bertholt” he says, stammering and stuttering the whole way through. 

 

“Would you like any tea? Bertholt? Armin?” I ask, trying to be polite.

  
“Yes please” they both chime in complete unison, like they've been rehearsing this very scenario for weeks beforehand.

 

“Milk and Sugar, Armin?” I question, because I honestly don't have a clue as to how he takes his tea.

 

“Just Milk please” he answers.

 

I make the tea in complete silence, seeing as I have nobody to talk to. When I am finish, I load up the tray with the cups and I take it back into the room, to hear Bertholt telling a story and Armin is giggling. 

 

“Jean! I swear to god I could not find you any cuter right now!” Armin giggles at me.

 

“What's Bertholt been telling you” I ask him.

“Just that you still sleep with a stuffed animal, that's all” he is still giggling, and _oh my god_ its so cute. I, of course, turn bright red, making Armin laugh even harder.

 

“Well, I've made the tea” I tell them both, flatly.

 

“Okay, thanks Jean!” Bertholt smiles at me, but I just give him a glare back. But its so hard for me to hate Bertholt that it soon cracks into a small smile.

 

We drink our tea in relative silence, Bertholt still telling the odd random fact about me. One that peaks Armin's interest is that I wear glasses. So I make a mental note to wear glasses and not contacts tomorrow. Just to see what he thinks.

 

And then Bertholt says something that generally makes me go the deepest fucking shade of red I could ever imagine.

 

“You know, I definitely prefer you to the last guy he had here, Eren, right Jean?” Bertholt says. I don't want to remember my secret relationship with Eren, it was just so messed up.

 

Armin is also taken by complete surprise by this statement. Me and Eren totally hate eachother now, and you can't even tell we used to be close.

 

“T-Thank You” is what he manages to say.

 

“I think I may need to go now” Armin announces as he goes to pick up the Cups. Bertholt stops him from picking them up, promising that he'd do them.

 

“It was nice meeting you Armin” Bertholt says one last time before picking up the cups and leaves us alone for a second. I take this opportunity to wrap Armin in an enormous hug before taking him by the hand and walking him to the door. 

 

“See you tomorrow! Bertholt seems nice” he says before walking off down the stairs.

 

“Bye Armin!” I wave back, a happy smile spread across my face.

 

_ But when am I going to tell him everything?  _ Is my thought as I turn back into the apartment, closing the door softly behind me.

 


	3. crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jean is a very loving boyfriend with a very tragic past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya so im sorry.

The next week seems to go by at the speed of light, with a wide portion of my time spent with Armin. We spent pretty much all weekend together, only really not seeing each other at night when we would go back to our own houses to sleep. We'd also somehow managed to become more open about our relationship, and by Friday, mostly thanks to Ymir's big mouth, pretty much our entire grade new, and luckily for us, nobody said anything bad, but then again, thats probably because we hang out with Ymir, who somehow manages to scare literally everyone at school. Yet something seemed kind of strange, like I had someone watching my every move.

 

Monday came around, and as usual, I was excited to see Armin. As normal, I greeted him at the corner of the street with a hug and a sloppy kiss to the forehead. We walked to school, hand in hand all the way before letting go at the gate so we could go meet up with our separate groups of friends. I give Krista her usual hug, and say a quick “Hi” to Ymir and Marco. As I did so, a familiar face made its way over in my direction. Eren.

 

“Oi, Horseface” he jeers in my direction, the malice in his voice cutting through the air like a knife.

“What Eren?” I reply, trying to make it as obvious as possible that I really did not want to be talking to him right now, or ever, in all honesty.

 

“Heard you were dating Armin” he says flatly

“Yeah, and what does it matter to you?” I return in his direction, desperately wanting this conversation to end.

  
“What matter is is that Armin is _mine_ ” he remarks.

“I'll have you find that he is _my_ boyfriend, and _yours_ ” I retort. _Just give it a break Eren._

 

“We'll see about that” he says, closing the distance between us. He raises a hand to punch me, but Ymir is in the way too fast and he's soon backing away like a deer in the headlights. _I really need to appreciate Ymir more._

 

“Really?” is all Ymir says before returning back to Krista's side. She had obviously scared the absolute shit out of Eren and I'm not exactly one to fight so she really did save my skin there.

 

“Thanks Ymir” I mumble. Its weird, I've been friends with these people since Freshman year, and yet there were still moments where I'd find myself stuttering, stammering and mumbling around them. Even almost three years later, but I guessed I had my reasons, heck, I knew I had my reasons.

 

“Krista, do we have AP Lit first today?” I ask because I honestly didn't check my schedule before I left the house this morning.

 

“Yes we do!” Krista answered, before mentioning that we only had a few minutes before the bell rings. With that, we hurriedly said our farewells to our friends before dashing inside to our lesson. As always, we get there exactly on time, much to Levi's dismay.

 

We're sat there and make friendly conversation for about half the lesson, and then it happens. _Flashbacks._

 

Suddenly, I'm back in my family home, backed right back up against a wall, my very drunk father throwing a multitude of punches at me whilst shouting some insane amount of profanities as he does so. Somehow, he's managed to get on top of me, pulling at my clothes as he throws another few punches, all landing on my face. And then I feel it.

 

“Jean?!” Krista shouts at me, shaking my arm as she shouts, in her desperate attempt to pull me away from my thoughts.

 

“Y-Yes” is all I can muster to say, because honestly, I'm frozen in fear. I don't want to move, I don't want to speak, I just want to curl up into myself.

 

“Are you okay?!” she's obviously is very concerned now, and I guess she knows what happened. I mean, her, Ymir and Marco are the only people who I've told what happened to me before I moved in with Bertholt, and they were all familiar with my frequent flashbacks and the nightmares that I had whenever they slept over, and they'd all learnt how to deal with it, how to help me through the bad times, and I couldn't be more thankful.

 

“Yeah, just a flashback, that’s all” I say, probably sounding as rough as I normally did after this kind of thing.

 

“You're with me, Jean, away from them, you're safe, I swear” she says softly, placing a gentle hand on my upper arm as she does so. Out of everybody, she definitely knows how to deal with this in the best way possible. All her words said with love, all her actions done gently, never asking me any questions about what happened.

 

“Yes I am” I say, smiling, and I pull her in for a hug, which was a standard thing to do after this kind of occurrence. Luckily for us, this had happened in the middle of a very rowdy class, so we managed to avoid attention.

 

“We're here for you, Jean. Me, Marco and Ymir, we all are, I promise” she confirms with me. I respond with a nod, cracking a smile as I do so. I know they are all there for me, it was just nice to hear it every now and again. It was yet another reminder that I am not alone, _ever_.

 

“How am I meant to explain all this to Armin?” I ask rhetorically, but I really hope Krista does hear me, and by some twist of good fate, she does.

 

“Explain what?” she asks me, confused about what I meant by my question.

 

“Everything. The flashbacks, the nightmares, everything. He deserves to know, doesn’t he?” I admit to her, and once again, I can feel myself crumbling.

 

“I have no clue. Bertholt could help you though, couldn't he?” Krista knew that I really disliked talking about it. Any mention of it could send me into some panic mode where I became highly irrational and jittery. All my friends, bar Armin, had seen me go through that at least once. They knew how scary it was.

 

“I'll keep that in mind” I reply, as sincerely as I could.

 

Apparently, I spend most of the rest of the lesson daydreaming, because before I know it, its the end of the lesson.

 

“What lesson do you have next?” I ask Krista, trying to work out what lesson I have next.

 

“French with Miss Ral” she replies.

  
“Okay, I'll see you at lunch then” I say back to her, realising that my next lesson is Chemistry, which is on the complete other side of the school, so I really have to run.

 

I get to Chemistry class late, _as always,_ and I am greeted by a few jeers of “Making out with your boyfriend, _faggot!”._ Which honestly is the first bad thing I’ve heard so far, but I do make a mental note to tell Ymir that someone said something bad, not that I can tell her his name.

 

I don't bother replying, because honestly he is not worth my time, and I take my seat, all alone on the side of the room, sitting on the sidelines, where I like it most. As I do so, the girl in front of me turns around to say something.

 

“Don't let that idiot get to you” is all she says. Before she turned around, I couldn't even recognise her, but then I realise who it is. Mikasa, or as I like to call her, Eren's clone. The same stoic face, the same piercing stare that never seems to leave either of their faces. I knew they were Brother and Sister by virtue of adoption, but it always seemed like they were completely identical twins, probably completely identical if Mikasa was a boy. She turns back around without even bothering to wait for a reply. I don't think she would of got one, because honestly I'm in a partial state of surprise because she never says anything nice to anyone, and here she is, being nice to me of all people.

 

I try to focus my mind on the lesson, but the comment has completely thrown me off doing anything. Just the word itself makes me sick to my stomach. The word brings back memories of being in town with Bertholt and Reiner (who were holding hands) and someone shouting that word at them, and more importantly, Bertholt's reaction to it, I remember him crying alone about it, much in the same way he cried alone when Reiner broke up with him. Mostly, it makes me remember my fathers reaction when he tried (but failed) to take me away from Bertholt, I remember him saying that I was better off with him than with “This Faggot” to which I replied that I was a 'faggot' like him and he just stormed off. It just takes the thought of my life since that night to pull me away from it all, because I am my own proof that it does get better.

 

The lesson is over remarkably quickly, probably due to me daydreaming for the entire lesson again. _Well done me._ And then I remember what time it is, Lunch Time.

 

I quickly make my way from the Chemistry lab to the Cafeteria where I soon spot Ymir, Kirsta, Marco and Armin at table waiting for me. They see me and wave me over. I make my way very ungracefully to them through the never ending torrent of people making their ways through the Cafeteria _._ I almost fall about twenty times, but eventually I get there. I give Armin a big hug, because I really need a recharge of affection. After our 2 minute long hugging session I turn my attention to the other 3 sat at our table. I say my Hellos, even though I’ve already done that. And then I remember what I was meant to say to Ymir.

 

“Someone said something bad today” I say, sounding childish as I do so, but Ymir's face hardens at my words. She genuinely looks like she is going in for the kill. I guess she should be, she hates that word as much as I do.

 

“Who was it?!” she demands. I guess she wants to know so she can go scare them into apologising.

 

“I don't actually know” I mutter under my breath. I try to make sure she doesn't hear me just in case she tries to kill me, but girl has hearing like a big cat, so of course she hears.

 

“Oh” is all she says, looking kind of sad that she couldn't go intimidate some 16 year old boys into almost wetting themselves in embarrassment. But that is what Ymir does best.

 

“Calm down” Krista interjects, sensing the anger in Ymir's voice. I swear Krista could sense peoples emotions just from the way they spoke; something that I've always found amazing about her.

 

“Oh yeah! If you want, Bertholt is going to visit family this weekend, so if you want to stay over on Saturday, you can” I say, trying to change the subject. “I mean, its a tradition, right?” I add.

 

“Sure! I'll speak to my parents about it later” Marco replies excitedly, and I get a similar response from everyone else, including Armin, which probably made me more happy than it should have. “Maybe I can tell him about it all then, with my friends' help” I mutter inwardly, hoping Armin wouldn't hear me, and because luck is completely on my side today, he didn't.

 

“Okay then, meet at mine at four-ish, I guess” I confirm.

 

“Its a date!” Krista comments, winking at Armin as she does. _Cheeky Bitch._ Armin of course, goes bright red at her comment. _Adorable._

 

“Krista!” I say, laughing.

 

We continue lunch in our regular fashion, with snide comments being passed, both about each other and other people, like it was a fucking football game. When the end of lunch bell rang, we said our goodbyes and headed to our final lessons.

 

Last lesson went by amazing slowly, which only made me angry, because all I wanted to do was see my precious boyfriend and hold his hand or some sappy shit like that. _Wow Jean, you are a sap, aren’t you?_

 

As last lesson came to an end, I was getting more and more excited about seeing Armin, and as the end of day bell rang I was already on my way out of the classroom to go find him, and it didn't take long, as he was waiting right outside the door. As I felt his arms wrap around me from behind I couldn't help but smile as it just added to the never ending things that I couldn't help but adore about him. I had it bad for him, real bad, and that could get me hurt, but Armin isn't that type of person.

 

We made our way out of school, our hands locked in an ever tightening embrace, trying to ignore the stares we got from the people in years below us, and I swear some of them have never seen two guys holding hands before.

 

We made our way down through the park in complete silence, the sound of the crunching leaves beneath our feet being the only sound. Suddenly, he turns to me.

 

“I have something to tell you” he says flatly. The comment sends my brain into overdrive, thinking up a billion different scenarios that could unfold.

 

“Okay?” I question shakily, because honestly my brain is fully convinced that he's about to break up with me, and I can feel the tears that really shouldn't be there.

 

“I really like you Jean. Like, I'm bordering on being in love with you” is all he says and we fall into a comfortable silence and I begin to question why I was even questioning him breaking up with me, because if he didn't like me, we wouldn't be together right now, and Armin has feelings that are often iron clad and unmoveable. I don't feel the need to reply, because I think by the squeeze of his hand he knows that the feelings are indisputably returned. 

 

We say goodbye at the corner with our usual bear hug and Eskimo kisses and he waves as I begin to walk down the short distance to my building and he walks off in the opposite direction. I make my way quickly up the stairs to the flat. I spend about a minute finding my keys before opening the doors, and the sound that I run into as I enter sends a chill down my spine. Crying. Not the quiet sobbing that I encountered a week earlier, but loud wailing emanating from the living room. I rush to see what's happening, and the sight I see makes my blood run cold. It's Bertholt. He's alone, but he obviously hasn't been, theres a smashed glass on the table and he's got his head in his hands again, I guess masking another bruise. My best guess is that Reiner's been back. 

 

“Bertholt?” I shout across the room, barely caring that it might startle him. His head turns towards me and he motions for me to come sit down, and very carefully I sit on the floor next to him. 

 

“Reiner” is all he can even muster the courage to say. _This looks bad._

 

“What did he do to you?” I ask, adopting a quiet tone, because honestly I don't think I've ever seen anyone as scared as he is right now. 

 

“He came back, for more, to rub it in my face how happy he is without me” is the reply. 

 

“Did he smash the glass?” I ask, gesturing to the broken glass on the table.

 

“Yes” is what I get as a response.

 

“Listen up Bertholt” I say, in the most demanding voice I can come up with. “You are not deserving of this. No way. Since I’ve been been living under your roof you've treated me, as well as everyone, with nothing but the highest respect and care, okay? You don't deserve this” I continue. He looks at me, stunned, and removes his hands from his face. There are no bruises, thank god. He cracks a small smile at me and that's all it takes for me to understand that my message has been understood.

 

“Thank You Jean, for everything, for being you” he stammers, and I honestly feel myself warming up on the inside.

  
“The Pleasure is mine” I reply, and with that, he pulls me in for a hug and something hits me. This is a parental type of love. I mean, Bertholt isn't my dad but he's the closest I'm ever going to get to have one, and honestly, I'm so glad its him.  _ So, this is what I missed out on, for the first 14 years of my life.  _

 


End file.
